So I just read an article by Jill Scott in Essence magazine about interracial dating. I pretty much knew the intent behind it before reading it, but I hoped that I was wrong and her opinion had changed from the views she has shared in the past. Nope. She's still bitter.
She said when she sees a good black man and finds out he is with a white woman it stings. She continues to say that it is a betrayal because in the days of slavery the white woman was put on a pedestal and if a black man even so much as looked at her, he was lynched, beaten or jailed. I cannot say I understand, because I don't. I didn't live that life, I didn't experience their pain and I can't even begin to imagine if it were done to my ancestors how I would feel. I would probably be hurt too.
I have spent my entire life defending myself for dating black men. Now, I have dated other races, but I always seem to gravitate towards them and vice versa. And quite frankly, I'm sick of being the enemy. I cannot answer why some people choose to date outside of their race. Nor should I have to. Things are different now. Yes, racism still exists and its sickening that in the year 2010 we are still so divided, but it doesn't all rest within the white man.....obviously.
I experience racism on a regular basis. White people who say inappropriate things to me because they assume I share their views and black women who feel like Ms. Scott and are angry with me for "stealing" their black men. I even have close friends who refer to me as their "white friend" or say I'm "cool for a white girl". Now, if I were to label them the same way, I'd be considered the racist one, right? But are they being racist? Or are we just overly sensitive nowadays because society has taught us to be so politically correct about everything? I have to ask myself this everyday because I want to teach my daughters how to do adapt to this emotionally segregated country we live in.
My oldest daughter, Dominique, has taken after me in the gene pool category and looks almost completely white. On a regular basis she is called "white girl" by her black classmates. One of them even told her that she had a "black girl booty" when she wore jeans for dress down day. Before seeing her father, they refused to believe that she was biracial and told her she was lying. I'm sure they didn't mean any harm by it and their parents are probably the same ones who would say I'm cool for a white girl, but why are we continuing to pass this attitude on to our children when people are fighting to end this mindset each and every day?
This will be a battle I know I will have to engage in for the rest of my life. I knew it before I opted to have children and I am prepared for all of the evil looks, hateful words and silly negativity that comes along with it. I just think its time we stop allowing this to be acceptable and it has to start somewhere. Yes, one person can make a difference but it will take many, many more to bring it to an end. We should embrace our differences and share our cultures with each other rather than letting them keep us apart.
I don't believe Jill Scott is a racist. I don't think anyone who chooses to stay within their own race is either. But don't let it leave you bitter or angry because it holds back your progression as person. God doesn't make mistakes, He doesn't see color, He sees us for who we are as individuals. Seems simple enough, too bad we can't all realize how easy it really can be.
No Regrets
When I got pregnant with my first daughter, Dominique, I was 23 years old. I was going through a divorce from my first husband, living back and forth between my dad's house and my then-boyfriend's place, working as a waitress at Applebee's and basically unstable. Oh, and we had just found out that his ex-girlfriend (now wife) was also pregnant. Although I was an adult, you would have thought I was a teenager from the family's response and disappointment. I understood and respected their concern, however, at the time it was really difficult to accept. I was scared and felt really alone at times. I didn't know how to be a mom!! But once Dominique graced this world with her presence, everything changed.
Unfortunately, history does repeat itself and at the age of 29 I got pregnant again. This time the reaction was even worse. Again, I did understand people's concern. I was already a struggling, single mother trying to get my life on track. How could I make the same mistake twice, right? And this guy was a real winner. He was in and out of jail and on drugs. He had four other children that he never supported a day in his life. He was not the person I or anyone else in this world would ever purposely choose to procreate with!!! But I am grateful that I never thought of my pregnancy as a mistake, but rather that it was God's will.
I read a book called The Purpose Driven Life while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, Jaidyn. It really put things into perspective for me and showed me not to beat myself up about my choices and accept the people God has chosen to be my childrens' fathers. It was hard to fathom at first that God would put this somewhat "off" combination together knowing the outcome of each relationship, but I still kept reading, learning and trusting. I couldn't believe that someone would hand-pick these two men for me to make babies with!
BUT......
He knew exactly what he was doing when He designed us. He knew which characteristics would make us special and unique. He knew who would be a willing participant and who would walk away from this new life. He even knew that at the end of the day, I would be the one raising these two beautiful, wonderful and perfect little girls by myself with absolutely no regrets. Don't get me wrong, now. I do have moments where I am ashamed that I have 2 children for 2 different men to whom I was never married. But that was part of God's plan. Is it fair to place all of the blame on Him? Of course not. I have to take responsibility for my actions and decisions. But I know that if I were to change anything in my past, I would not be the woman, no mother, I am today. I wouldn't have Dominique or Jaidyn in my life. Sure, I may have had other children. They may even have had the same names. But they wouldn't be my girls that I know and love and adore today. They would be different. And that is why I know God makes no mistakes.
I could go on and on about the good and the bad I went through to get to this point, to understand this life, but I can simply say that this was God's will and I accept it and receive the blessings despite the many challenges along the way. What the devil meant for bad, God made for good, real good. I still have doubts as a mother, moments of disappointment, fear that I am not making the right decisions for them or even myself. But as I give my life to my Father, I ask for His guidance, patience, love and mercy over us and trust Him that this is exactly where the three of us were meant to be.
Unfortunately, history does repeat itself and at the age of 29 I got pregnant again. This time the reaction was even worse. Again, I did understand people's concern. I was already a struggling, single mother trying to get my life on track. How could I make the same mistake twice, right? And this guy was a real winner. He was in and out of jail and on drugs. He had four other children that he never supported a day in his life. He was not the person I or anyone else in this world would ever purposely choose to procreate with!!! But I am grateful that I never thought of my pregnancy as a mistake, but rather that it was God's will.
I read a book called The Purpose Driven Life while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, Jaidyn. It really put things into perspective for me and showed me not to beat myself up about my choices and accept the people God has chosen to be my childrens' fathers. It was hard to fathom at first that God would put this somewhat "off" combination together knowing the outcome of each relationship, but I still kept reading, learning and trusting. I couldn't believe that someone would hand-pick these two men for me to make babies with!
BUT......
He knew exactly what he was doing when He designed us. He knew which characteristics would make us special and unique. He knew who would be a willing participant and who would walk away from this new life. He even knew that at the end of the day, I would be the one raising these two beautiful, wonderful and perfect little girls by myself with absolutely no regrets. Don't get me wrong, now. I do have moments where I am ashamed that I have 2 children for 2 different men to whom I was never married. But that was part of God's plan. Is it fair to place all of the blame on Him? Of course not. I have to take responsibility for my actions and decisions. But I know that if I were to change anything in my past, I would not be the woman, no mother, I am today. I wouldn't have Dominique or Jaidyn in my life. Sure, I may have had other children. They may even have had the same names. But they wouldn't be my girls that I know and love and adore today. They would be different. And that is why I know God makes no mistakes.
I could go on and on about the good and the bad I went through to get to this point, to understand this life, but I can simply say that this was God's will and I accept it and receive the blessings despite the many challenges along the way. What the devil meant for bad, God made for good, real good. I still have doubts as a mother, moments of disappointment, fear that I am not making the right decisions for them or even myself. But as I give my life to my Father, I ask for His guidance, patience, love and mercy over us and trust Him that this is exactly where the three of us were meant to be.
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