As most of you know, I recently lost 2 friends in the same week. They were both gunned down in separate incidents, leaving a void in many people's hearts. I've already taken the time to write an open letter to my friend, Twelve, but now I'd like to share my friendship with Chris Martin.
I met Chris through my neighbors across the street. One neighbor was his cousin and the other his employer. Roxie used to tell me all the time that her cousin Chris liked me, but I didn't pay her any attention. She's only 12 so what does she really know? But one day he came down my driveway to come talk to me. First thing he said was that he liked me. I looked at him like he was crazy because I thought to myself, how can you like someone you don't even know? I blew him off and basically ignored him for the most part.
Then one day things changed. He came over to talk to me and for whatever reason, I listened. He was very respectful, friendly, educated and so sweet. Jaidyn kept coming and interrupting, of course, wanted all of his attention. And he gave it to her. I remember I was cooking cabbage soup for a 7-day diet I was trying. So being that I was busy, he spent his time playing with Jai. She brought him books to read to her, and he read every last one of them. She would bring toys out to show him and even pulled out her skates and he helped her skate up and down the driveway. He stood in my kitchen for at least 3 or 4 hours that day talking to me about different things. I enjoyed his conversation and really liked having his company.
The next day, knowing I was on my diet, he came and brought the girls some chinese food since I wasn't cooking. I couldn't understand it at first. Why was he being so nice and going out of his way for us? But then as the weeks went on, I realized that's just who he was. He continued to be giving, bringing chips, juice, candy, etc. to them just because. He didn't quit telling me he liked me either. He used to ask when he could take me out and I would just laugh it off and tell him he was too young for me. Even if he didn't come to bring anything to the girls, if he saw Jaidyn outside, he'd come play with her. He never got tired of her constant talking and had no problem running behind her when she was doing something she had no business doing. He would correct her, but always explain to her why she couldn't do certain things. And every time he left, he always told her "I love you, Jaidyn".
I remember last Saturday morning when my neighbor Aretha came and knocked on my door. It was so early. When she told me that he had been killed, I didn't want to believe it. I stood there in shock and probably even appeared to be unphased by it. But I really didn't want to accept that I had lost yet another friend to violence. And when it hit me that he was really gone, it was truly overwhelming.
Both of my friends were buried on the same day, Saturday, August 14, 2010. I was thankful that it worked out in my favor that the churches were less than a mile apart and the service times were 2 hours difference.
I remember walking into Oakland Baptist Church for Chris' service. There was such an uplifting feeling when I got there, one I can't really explain. It was bright, not somber, and his white casket was closed, adorned with flowers and his picture sat right on top. The choir started and they were truly awesome. They weren't singing sad, mellow songs. They were clapping, smiling, praising and worshiping God with energy-filled songs that had everyone in the church on their feet.
I had explained to Jaidyn that Mr. Chris was gone and in heaven and she seemed to understand. Unfortunately, both she and Dominique have had to experience loss before with my Maw Maw and Dominique's Grandmother Beverly. I hate that they know it so well, but I'm thankful they both realize that they are with God and in a better place. But what I didn't count on was that Jai didn't know exactly who I was talking about. She seemed to get it when I explained it to her, but it wasn't until she saw the pictures that it really sunk in. She started to get tears in her eyes and when I first asked what was wrong, she shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know. Then it came. My baby broke down crying and said "I just miss my friend". Have you ever seen a 5-year-old's heart break? It was the worst feeling I'd ever had knowing that there was nothing I could do to heal her and take away her pain.
Then the moment came that was just breath-taking. Something I will never forget in my life. A young girl stepped to the podium to sing her solo. She started, but couldn't get through the first note. Chris' mother came to her side and comforted her. She said she apologized, but her niece couldn't continue. She then turned to the band director and said "I'm gonna need another key", turned to the choir behind her and said "and choir, I need y'all to back me up". This woman began to sing and literally blew me away. Again, it wasn't a slow song, meant to bring people down. She got in the choir stand and began to thank God for her son. She tore the church down!!! She was strong, beautiful, had great voice and was completely and totally inspiring. She sang about how grateful she was to have had Chris for 27 years, how much she loved him and how much she loved God for allowing her to be his mother. There really are no words to explain how amazing it was to see.
Ms. Betty Harvey taught me what I already knew. That no matter what you are going through, you still have to give God all the praise, glory and honor. During the hardest time of her life, she didn't waver, she stood strong in the Word and kept her faith. She understood that God's time is not our time and everything He does is for a reason. At the repast, I made it a point to introduce her to Jaidyn. Aretha walked us over and said, "This was Chris' friend". She looked at me and said thank you for coming until Aretha corrected her and said "No THIS was his friend," and pointed to Jai. And then Jaidyn corrected Aretha and said, "he was my BEST friend!" Ms. Betty gave her the biggest and warmest hug and was so happy to meet my baby. She said she wished she had met her sooner and she would have included her in the program knowing what an impact her son had on her life. This woman was so sweet, kind, friendly, beautiful and just exuded God's love. She kept thanking me for coming, but I could only thank her. I thanked her for blessing this world with Chris and for making him who he was. He obviously got it all from her.
Yesterday was truly a celebration of life for Christopher Martin, one that I am honored to say I was a part of. I pray for continued strength for his family, friends and especially his mother. God-forbid I ever have to endure a loss such as her, but if I do, I pray that I can look to her for encouragement and enlightenment. Chris, you will truly be missed and I am proud to call you my friend. May God bless your soul and may you rest in eternal peace.
An Open Letter To My Friend, Argell White
**This is a letter to my friend who was recently killed. It will be mostly slang, and grammatically incorrect in many cases, but it is also straight from my heart**
Dear Twelve,
I really can't believe that I have to tell you these things in a letter and not directly to you. Maybe I can just pretend, for the moment, that you aren't gone and just in jail or something. Anything else is better than your reality.
I remember when I first met you. It was at Live Bait and you were with Slim and Trenitty for the foam party. My first impression was "this dude is CRAZY"! But you kept me laughing and somehow we became friends from that moment. Throughout the years we always kept in touch. We used to always joke that if I hadn't heard from you in at least 2 weeks, you were probably locked up on some stupid traffic attachment. But you always caught up with me when you made it home.
I remember when we started to really hang together. You're goal was to find a new "future ex-wife" wherever we went. And you always did. You were absolutely INSANE when we went out to the clubs, but we always had fun. I still wanna know, how in the hell do you get kicked out of Butler's? We joked about that one for the longest. We joked about a lot of things, though, especially our mutual friends. Things I could never put in writing cus I might make some of them mad.
Through all the craziness, you still used to offer me the best advice. When you were really fed up with New Orleans you told me not to become complacent. You wanted to get out of the city because things had just become too much of the same. You even told me that I was already complacent with my life, just settling for what I had and not moving forward. You were so right. And you really tried not to get in the middle of things with me and Trenitty, being both of our friends, but when you came to Dallas you put me in my place. You encouraged me and literally pushed me to move on with my life and stop holding on to something that would never be. I still replay that conversation in my head when we were on our way out. You said that it was the 2000's and I needed to become more aggressive and go for what I want. I never did approach a guy, I always waited until they came to me. Until that night. We walked into Maxwell's and I saw that dude wearing the Soulja Slim shirt. I was like, damn that's who I wanna talk to. And of course, you gave me a pep talk and damn near forced me to go holla at him. Funny thing was, when I did go talk to him, he was so excited to meet you I barely got to say anything! But you hooked that up for me. In fact, you used to tease me for getting a groupie. And he really was. Everytime I talked to him, he would ask about you and what new music you had and could he get a CD.
I was there through almost every girlfriend, boo, future ex-wife, current wife, whoever you were kicking it with, you brought them into my life as well. I used to clown about all the chicks you messed with, especially cus they were all a different nationality. I said you were like the rainbow coalition cus you did not discriminate!!! But they were cool most of the time and you even introduced me to some really good friends in the process.
I know we both have a lot of regrets about how our friendship turned. I hate how things became and I was so mad at you for allowing it to get so bad between us. But I know there were outside factors involved and it wasn't just you and I at that point. I won't place any blame cus I should've been stronger. But I allowed our friendship to be destroyed and it killed me. You thought my loyalty to you was gone and you said some things that really hurt me. I held on to that for so long, knowing deep down you didn't mean it. But pride took over and I held that grudge. I knew better, but I didn't want to admit that I let someone else ruin our friendship. Especially a person who the entire time was simply jealous of what we had. He was convinced that we were more than friends and would just harass me so much about you that it was easier to stay distant. But he was right, we were more than friends. We were family. Remember when you told people I was your adopted sister just so they wouldn't confuse me for being with you? And to really convince them you told those girls I was gay??? I wanted to kill you for that one cus you ruined any chances of me meeting someone, but when we left all I could do was laugh at your crazy ass.
Over the last two years you became someone I didn't know. Your physical appearance changed so much, I didn't even recognize you. Your hair, the grill, the weight gain, even your style of clothes was different. I felt that at that point we were too far gone from the friendship we had because you were someone else. But, I heard that you would say you wanted to squash this beef with me and needed to call me. Why didn't you ever call? How did we both allow this to come between us permanently? All I can do at this point is truly apologize. I learned my lesson, but even after he tore up other friendships, I still didn't talk to you and make things right. Just being stubborn. And now I can't talk to you, can't apologize for it, can't change things.
I will always, always, always love you as one of my best friends and family. We've spent holidays, birthdays, and life-changing events together. Moments that can't be erased or lost no matter where either of us is at today. I wish you were still here. I miss you -- the old you. The crazy, funny, kind-hearted person I knew. You always had my back through everything. If I needed anything, I could always come to you. So now, I know that I can depend on you to still watch over me. The selfish part of me wants you to be here, but the Christian part of me knows that you are in a better place and can do more for me in heaven than you can do for me on earth. There are so many memories that I can forever hold on to, but none of them can bring you back. So with that I say again, that I love you, miss you and pray that you rest in eternal peace with Slim and JP. I know y'all are cutting up right now! And I know, no matter what, it is what it is.
Love your adopted, gay sister.
Dear Twelve,
I really can't believe that I have to tell you these things in a letter and not directly to you. Maybe I can just pretend, for the moment, that you aren't gone and just in jail or something. Anything else is better than your reality.
I remember when I first met you. It was at Live Bait and you were with Slim and Trenitty for the foam party. My first impression was "this dude is CRAZY"! But you kept me laughing and somehow we became friends from that moment. Throughout the years we always kept in touch. We used to always joke that if I hadn't heard from you in at least 2 weeks, you were probably locked up on some stupid traffic attachment. But you always caught up with me when you made it home.
I remember when we started to really hang together. You're goal was to find a new "future ex-wife" wherever we went. And you always did. You were absolutely INSANE when we went out to the clubs, but we always had fun. I still wanna know, how in the hell do you get kicked out of Butler's? We joked about that one for the longest. We joked about a lot of things, though, especially our mutual friends. Things I could never put in writing cus I might make some of them mad.
Through all the craziness, you still used to offer me the best advice. When you were really fed up with New Orleans you told me not to become complacent. You wanted to get out of the city because things had just become too much of the same. You even told me that I was already complacent with my life, just settling for what I had and not moving forward. You were so right. And you really tried not to get in the middle of things with me and Trenitty, being both of our friends, but when you came to Dallas you put me in my place. You encouraged me and literally pushed me to move on with my life and stop holding on to something that would never be. I still replay that conversation in my head when we were on our way out. You said that it was the 2000's and I needed to become more aggressive and go for what I want. I never did approach a guy, I always waited until they came to me. Until that night. We walked into Maxwell's and I saw that dude wearing the Soulja Slim shirt. I was like, damn that's who I wanna talk to. And of course, you gave me a pep talk and damn near forced me to go holla at him. Funny thing was, when I did go talk to him, he was so excited to meet you I barely got to say anything! But you hooked that up for me. In fact, you used to tease me for getting a groupie. And he really was. Everytime I talked to him, he would ask about you and what new music you had and could he get a CD.
I was there through almost every girlfriend, boo, future ex-wife, current wife, whoever you were kicking it with, you brought them into my life as well. I used to clown about all the chicks you messed with, especially cus they were all a different nationality. I said you were like the rainbow coalition cus you did not discriminate!!! But they were cool most of the time and you even introduced me to some really good friends in the process.
I know we both have a lot of regrets about how our friendship turned. I hate how things became and I was so mad at you for allowing it to get so bad between us. But I know there were outside factors involved and it wasn't just you and I at that point. I won't place any blame cus I should've been stronger. But I allowed our friendship to be destroyed and it killed me. You thought my loyalty to you was gone and you said some things that really hurt me. I held on to that for so long, knowing deep down you didn't mean it. But pride took over and I held that grudge. I knew better, but I didn't want to admit that I let someone else ruin our friendship. Especially a person who the entire time was simply jealous of what we had. He was convinced that we were more than friends and would just harass me so much about you that it was easier to stay distant. But he was right, we were more than friends. We were family. Remember when you told people I was your adopted sister just so they wouldn't confuse me for being with you? And to really convince them you told those girls I was gay??? I wanted to kill you for that one cus you ruined any chances of me meeting someone, but when we left all I could do was laugh at your crazy ass.
Over the last two years you became someone I didn't know. Your physical appearance changed so much, I didn't even recognize you. Your hair, the grill, the weight gain, even your style of clothes was different. I felt that at that point we were too far gone from the friendship we had because you were someone else. But, I heard that you would say you wanted to squash this beef with me and needed to call me. Why didn't you ever call? How did we both allow this to come between us permanently? All I can do at this point is truly apologize. I learned my lesson, but even after he tore up other friendships, I still didn't talk to you and make things right. Just being stubborn. And now I can't talk to you, can't apologize for it, can't change things.
I will always, always, always love you as one of my best friends and family. We've spent holidays, birthdays, and life-changing events together. Moments that can't be erased or lost no matter where either of us is at today. I wish you were still here. I miss you -- the old you. The crazy, funny, kind-hearted person I knew. You always had my back through everything. If I needed anything, I could always come to you. So now, I know that I can depend on you to still watch over me. The selfish part of me wants you to be here, but the Christian part of me knows that you are in a better place and can do more for me in heaven than you can do for me on earth. There are so many memories that I can forever hold on to, but none of them can bring you back. So with that I say again, that I love you, miss you and pray that you rest in eternal peace with Slim and JP. I know y'all are cutting up right now! And I know, no matter what, it is what it is.
Love your adopted, gay sister.
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