When you go through a series of bad relationships, you tend to lose bits and pieces of yourself along the way. You may not notice it at first, or it may be subtle enough to not make a difference, but either way, you definitely change. After you take the time to heal, learn, accept and process the end, you have to dig deep and find who you really are once again. The good and the bad, the few things you don't want to admit that were your fault and the rediscovery of yourself.
During these last few months, I've worked on putting my life back together for me and my kids, but I've also started to search for my flaws, change what I want to change, keep what I want to keep and work on the things that need a little bit of fine-tuning. I am asking God for His guidance, of course, having faith that I can regain those qualities I may have lost and trusting that I am becoming exactly who He expects me to be.
I do sometimes still have a reaction without a thought, but I then take a breath, say a prayer and give it to God and allow Him to handle the things beyond my control. I don't always get the results I want, but I get the results that are necessary and RIGHT! I am working on my temper, my lack of patience, my naivety, to name a few and I can really see myself growing, maturing and accepting life as it should be without the drama. I have used my same qualities and have simply refocused them.
It really is all about me right now and although I am still the loving, caring, giving person I am, I am learning BOUNDARIES. It's a struggle sometimes, but it's definitely getting easier along the way. I am simply recreating myself in a way that I can dictate the outcome of my life rather than my life dictating me!
It is all about choices and how we want to live. Things will always occur that are less than desirable, but it is all in how you choose to deal with the situation. Be grateful for it all, continually giving praise and worship, never giving up hope, having everlasting faith and appreciating what you do have rather than what you don't. Just be happy through it all, stay positive, be encouraged and you will FEEL better. You are the only one who can control your feelings, even when someone hurts you, uses you, abuses you, neglects you, or whatever other horrible act, how you treat YOURSELF will be all that matters in the end.
When you love yourself completely and totally, you learn to treat yourself better.
