An Open Letter To My Friend, Argell White

**This is a letter to my friend who was recently killed. It will be mostly slang, and grammatically incorrect in many cases, but it is also straight from my heart**

Dear Twelve,

I really can't believe that I have to tell you these things in a letter and not directly to you. Maybe I can just pretend, for the moment, that you aren't gone and just in jail or something. Anything else is better than your reality.

I remember when I first met you. It was at Live Bait and you were with Slim and Trenitty for the foam party. My first impression was "this dude is CRAZY"! But you kept me laughing and somehow we became friends from that moment. Throughout the years we always kept in touch. We used to always joke that if I hadn't heard from you in at least 2 weeks, you were probably locked up on some stupid traffic attachment. But you always caught up with me when you made it home.

I remember when we started to really hang together. You're goal was to find a new "future ex-wife" wherever we went. And you always did. You were absolutely INSANE when we went out to the clubs, but we always had fun. I still wanna know, how in the hell do you get kicked out of Butler's? We joked about that one for the longest. We joked about a lot of things, though, especially our mutual friends. Things I could never put in writing cus I might make some of them mad.

Through all the craziness, you still used to offer me the best advice. When you were really fed up with New Orleans you told me not to become complacent. You wanted to get out of the city because things had just become too much of the same. You even told me that I was already complacent with my life, just settling for what I had and not moving forward. You were so right. And you really tried not to get in the middle of things with me and Trenitty, being both of our friends, but when you came to Dallas you put me in my place. You encouraged me and literally pushed me to move on with my life and stop holding on to something that would never be. I still replay that conversation in my head when we were on our way out. You said that it was the 2000's and I needed to become more aggressive and go for what I want. I never did approach a guy, I always waited until they came to me. Until that night. We walked into Maxwell's and I saw that dude wearing the Soulja Slim shirt. I was like, damn that's who I wanna talk to. And of course, you gave me a pep talk and damn near forced me to go holla at him. Funny thing was, when I did go talk to him, he was so excited to meet you I barely got to say anything! But you hooked that up for me. In fact, you used to tease me for getting a groupie. And he really was. Everytime I talked to him, he would ask about you and what new music you had and could he get a CD.

I was there through almost every girlfriend, boo, future ex-wife, current wife, whoever you were kicking it with, you brought them into my life as well. I used to clown about all the chicks you messed with, especially cus they were all a different nationality. I said you were like the rainbow coalition cus you did not discriminate!!! But they were cool most of the time and you even introduced me to some really good friends in the process.

I know we both have a lot of regrets about how our friendship turned. I hate how things became and I was so mad at you for allowing it to get so bad between us. But I know there were outside factors involved and it wasn't just you and I at that point. I won't place any blame cus I should've been stronger. But I allowed our friendship to be destroyed and it killed me. You thought my loyalty to you was gone and you said some things that really hurt me. I held on to that for so long, knowing deep down you didn't mean it. But pride took over and I held that grudge. I knew better, but I didn't want to admit that I let someone else ruin our friendship. Especially a person who the entire time was simply jealous of what we had. He was convinced that we were more than friends and would just harass me so much about you that it was easier to stay distant. But he was right, we were more than friends. We were family. Remember when you told people I was your adopted sister just so they wouldn't confuse me for being with you? And to really convince them you told those girls I was gay??? I wanted to kill you for that one cus you ruined any chances of me meeting someone, but when we left all I could do was laugh at your crazy ass.

Over the last two years you became someone I didn't know. Your physical appearance changed so much, I didn't even recognize you. Your hair, the grill, the weight gain, even your style of clothes was different. I felt that at that point we were too far gone from the friendship we had because you were someone else. But, I heard that you would say you wanted to squash this beef with me and needed to call me. Why didn't you ever call? How did we both allow this to come between us permanently? All I can do at this point is truly apologize. I learned my lesson, but even after he tore up other friendships, I still didn't talk to you and make things right. Just being stubborn. And now I can't talk to you, can't apologize for it, can't change things.

I will always, always, always love you as one of my best friends and family. We've spent holidays, birthdays, and life-changing events together. Moments that can't be erased or lost no matter where either of us is at today. I wish you were still here. I miss you -- the old you. The crazy, funny, kind-hearted person I knew. You always had my back through everything. If I needed anything, I could always come to you. So now, I know that I can depend on you to still watch over me. The selfish part of me wants you to be here, but the Christian part of me knows that you are in a better place and can do more for me in heaven than you can do for me on earth. There are so many memories that I can forever hold on to, but none of them can bring you back. So with that I say again, that I love you, miss you and pray that you rest in eternal peace with Slim and JP. I know y'all are cutting up right now! And I know, no matter what, it is what it is.

Love your adopted, gay sister.